


It's Complicated

by Gingervivi



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, probs like the only solas fanfic I'm going to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 07:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7882555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingervivi/pseuds/Gingervivi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She hates him. She loves him. Part of her just wants to punch and then kiss him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Complicated

Her hand felt like it was on fire, being stabbed, and being pulled apart all at once. The way Solas looked at her helped none. 

“The mark will eventually kill you. Drawing you here gave me the chance to save you… at least for now.”

For a moment, all time seemed to stand still. The way he looked at her, the shocks of the mark ripping through the air, even her own breath caught in her throat. For a moment, Lan’Aril thought it might’ve been the end. The long moment before her own death. In her eyes flashed images so fast she could barely keep up with them.

Falling out of the Fade for the first time. Meeting Solas. The fight in Haven, buying time for the others. Becoming the Inquisitor. Taking her first vial of lyrium and every vial after that. Her first kiss with Solas, and her last. The years she spent broken and alone after it flashed by in a millisecond.

She hated him. She hated how he lied, how he used her, how she loved someone who wanted this world gone. The world wasn’t perfect and perhaps she was the living embodiment of its imperfection: a city elf turned Dalish as the alienage became unbearable, a warrior turned Templar who struggled to quit the use of lyrium, a woman who loved a man she shouldn’t.

“Solas, var lath vir suledin,” Lan’Aril choked out, unable to keep the anger from her voice in such words. She loved and hated him in that moment, and she wondered if that would ever change, if she could stop living either one of those feelings.

She reached forward and pulled him towards her by his collar so she could see every detail in his eyes and wondered how she looked to him. Did she look foolish from the moment she chose to be a Templar in skill? Did he see the face of a madwoman, who struggled to let go of her rage? Or did she look as alone and afraid as she felt?

He looked surprised, not expecting the sudden pull by her. In all honesty, the strength of it surprised her too. It felt like every muscle in her body was strained to the point of breaking, that existing was hard enough to consider moving, but still her grip remained firm.

“This world has me in it,” she said behind clenched teeth. “I’m not giving up on it, and I’m not giving up on you.”

Solas looked like he was a million miles away in that moment the sparks of her mark lighting up in his eyes, but he snapped right back the moment the unsuccessfully tried to stifle a groan caused by the mark. He looked at her in a way she couldn’t describe, not with words at least. In that moment, Lan’Aril thought she had never been more… _seen_. Seen without guise or false image, no bias in the way of who she was or who she might be, and looked at in a way that made her heart skip a beat.

“It’s one of the things I admire most of you,” Solas said leaning towards her, his lips a hair’s breadth away from hers as he whispered, “What could’ve been. I’m sorry, my love.”

Lan’Aril didn’t recognize his kiss until the pain in her arm suddenly ceased. She leaned forward, cursing herself for the want and desire that accompanied the rage in her, but by then it was too late; he pulled away. When he stood, she tried to as well only to be betrayed by a still body, locked in the moment. 

“I will never forget you.”

She swallowed, feeling a lump in the back of her throat. Whether it was from anger or sadness, she couldn't say. "Nor I you."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually not the biggest Solas fan, but his romance was super fun and satisfying. Well, for me at least. I really didn't like how a big chunk of the fandom wanted to portray this ship as wolf and doe/halla or hunter/prey. (First of all, halla are bad ass and could kick a wolf's furry behind.) Lan is probably the most straight forward, stubborn, and, at times, aggressive of my Inquisitors so making her someone who trails after Solas with big puppy dog eyes just isn't her. She loved him for who he was, how he cared for her, and it's hard for her to let those memories go even when she hates him for the break up, for lying to her, for trying to tear down her world.


End file.
